Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Re-Rebuttal (The anatomy of a California winter)

This is a kind of overly sarcastic (but well-meaning) rebuttal to Owen's post (in response to my original post) earlier about the true nature of the East Coast winter.

Dear Owen (and all you GW New-Englanders),

I think I see your problem. It is that you don't know the truth about California (the greatest state in the Union). Here is a little rundown. You make a lot of claims about California. First off, we do have weather - it is just better than yours. You make the naive assumption that Los Angeles' "'warm' and 'hot'" is the only temperature in California. Let me inform you that even Los Angeles has more than warm and hot. We might not get to the "I'm freezing and must wear 4 layers to simply walk outside" cold, but it gets chilly every once in a while. You so eloquently write
"We get sad if the weather rises above 32 degrees. How is this possible? It's called "layering," and only some situations call for it - maybe this will help you put in context the snide comments you may her from us northeasterners about you and your over-tanned brethren as you all brave nearly 40 degree temperatures with nothing but a thick down jacket, a heavy sweater, and big black waterproof boots to protect you from an inch of slush on the almost 2-block journey from dorm to classroom."
Let me begin to say that my walk to class is always a 5+ block trek. And layering is great, its grand, but I prefer my flip-flops on a February morning. And you may mock my people for over layering but at least we do it with a little Hollywood style and pizzaz (please explain to me what the point of those boat shoes your New Englanders always wear ...... they are one step above crocks). You call us over-tanned but that is just because you are pale. White, colorless, blinding walking bodies of pigment. 

But guess what! We have something in common. I have been checking the weather forecasts for when I go home too! For what you ask?!?! For the surf report. Thats right, surfing, the ultimate argument in the "California kicks New-England's ass" debate. In the spirit of the Beach Boys, the quintessential west coast pastimes of cruising the glassy waves of the Pacific, which I can do in March, I will take out my 10 foot Stewart longboard and rides the day away.

However, I still have not answered your question.
"Plus... when do you ski?"
I don't ski .... I snowboard. I take a nice day-trip to Mammoth or Big Bear, grab some breakfast along the grapevine (ok you don't actually take the grapevine up to mammoth but I am using it for arguments sake) and then hit the slopes. Because we can do that in California. And if I was really ambitious, I could snowboard, surf, and atv across the desert all in the span of one glorious day of January California sunshine. Just let the Governator tell you ..... (or if you are not a terminator fan, listen to my main man Clint). 

And to answer your final question, I never had the same type of childhood experience as you did. I made sandcastles, body-surfed, buried my friends neck deep in the sand, and ate too much sand for my own good. I also hiked up the Santa Monica mountains, visited the California redwoods, kayaked down the Colorado river (which is in California if you didn't already know), and sailed the majestic Pacific ocean. I will close with some words from my Californian brethren, that prove once and for all that California is the greatest place in these United States. 

Well east coast girls are hip
I really dig those styles they wear
And the southern girls with the way they talk
They knock me out when Im down there

The mid-west farmers daughters really make you feel alright
And the northern girls with the way they kiss
They keep their boyfriends warm at night

I wish they all could be california
I wish they all could be california
I wish they all could be california girls

The west coast has the sunshine
And the girls all get so tanned
I dig a french bikini on hawaii island
Dolls by a palm tree in the sand

I been all around this great big world
And I seen all kinds of girls
Yeah, but I couldnt wait to get back in the states
Back to the cutest girls in the world

I wish they all could be california
I wish they all could be california
I wish they all could be california girls

I wish they all could be california
(girls, girls, girls yeah I dig the)
I wish they all could be california
(girls, girls, girls yeah I dig the)
I wish they all could be california
(girls, girls, girls yeah I dig the)
I wish they all could be california
(girls, girls, girls yeah I dig the)


Anonymous said...

Couple of flaws in the argument...

1. From Southern California, there is no such thing as a "day trip" to Mammoth (5 hours by any count).
2. It doesn't count if the snow is mostly fake (Big Bear).
3. The Colorado river, by no stretch, is in California. It does define the border between California and Arizona for a little while. But, even so, there is only one real rapid anywhere along that stretch before all the water is sucked out and sent to the Imperial Valley. Might as well kayak on a lake.

Plus, you say that surfing makes California great? That's completely subjective. What if one hates surfing... does that still make it great? What if one loves bird hunting? Sucks to do that in California. What if one loves politics? Not much of that in California. What is one really loves the snow? Not as much of that in California either. What if one hates pollution, traffic, over-crowded beaches, cities, malls? FAIL FAIL FAIL

Just because you have some pluses, doesn't make you great. You have alot of minuses.

And why not, It's not hard to have so many things to do when your "state" is the size of a small country.

Anonymous said...

Not to even mention:



lucy ross said...

I probably shouldn't really enter into this debate, but I do have to step in briefly to defend the Great State of California:

1. The San Francisco bay area has lovely weather, and while it may not have four seasons, many people still find it preferable. You don't have to like it. If you dig the cold all winter, stay/move somewhere cold.
2. There's also Lake Tahoe. I've never been to Mammoth, but I know that the slopes up at Tahoe are pretty stellar.
3. There's more than just LA in CA. There's lots of everything, with something for everyone to love.
4. If you really don't care for CA, why complain about it? Wouldn't you prefer to show your pride for another locale by defending it, rather than attacking someplace else?

- A SF Bay native